Saturday started normal. Cup of tea, bit of sun, thought I’d finally sweep the patio. Nothing wild.

Then I noticed the green stuff growing between the slabs. Slippery. Questionable. Possibly sentient. That’s when I caved and booked patio cleaning Northwich through Clearview Cheshire. Just to give it a once-over.

Except… after they cleaned it, it looked amazing. Like, unreasonably good. Which made the rest of the garden look like it had given up on life.

So I got them to do pressure washing Northwich for the paths and side yard. Suddenly I remembered what colour the slabs were supposed to be. A weird kind of joy.

Then I looked at the driveway. Or rather, I saw the tyre marks, moss rings, and faded patches where I used to park. No going back after that. Enter: driveway cleaning Northwich. It now looks like a car advert waiting to happen.

I should’ve stopped there. But no. The windows were next. Because once everything else looks pristine, all you see is smears and old bird droppings. So I added window cleaning Northwich. They even cleaned the upstairs ones I’ve been pretending didn’t exist since we moved in. Light now floods in. It’s a bit unsettling, honestly.

Just as I was basking in the glow of my shiny new exterior… I made the mistake of glancing up.

The roof. Dear lord, the roof.

There was moss. There was dirt. There may have been wildlife. It looked like it had been abandoned since the war. So yes, I also booked roof cleaning Northwich. The crew handled it like pros. Safe, tidy, thorough — no tiles flying off into the neighbour’s garden. They even cleared the gutters (which I hadn’t looked at since 2018).

By Sunday afternoon, the house looked so good I half-considered selling it. I didn’t, obviously — but I could have.

The whole thing went from “tidy the patio” to full-on exterior cleaning Northwich like some kind of DIY fever dream. Only I didn’t DIY. I just booked the right people and watched with a cuppa in hand.

Clearview Cheshire were the MVPs. Didn’t laugh at my wildly escalating requests. Just got on with it and made everything sparkle.

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Should I have stopped at the patio? Probably. Am I glad I didn’t? Absolutely.

Anyway, now I just need the inside of the house to match. But that’s a next-month problem.